whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
