Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Randomize