so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
