if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
