I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
