I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
