So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
