saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
