Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
