Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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