So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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