Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
