How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
