How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
