Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
