I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
