I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
