yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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