So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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