Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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