So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
