I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
