Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
