No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
