roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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