I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize