i think my mom watched the whole time
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
