im drinking this country out of the recession.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
