I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
