woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
