Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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