please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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