Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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