i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
