i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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