I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
