I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
