Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Randomize
