i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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