note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
