if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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