So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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