meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
