Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
