What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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