He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
