I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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