I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
