Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
