checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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