Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
