We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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