He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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