Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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