Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My breasts were aching with rage.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
