I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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