does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
