I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
