I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
