i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
