I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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