This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
