Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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